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The Ultimate Gift for Your Child Is Your Presence

The Age of Distraction

Smartphones and other devices with access to the Internet have become significant parts of the family home in the 21 st century. These devices and their apps and websites are often designed to enthrall people for long periods. However, with research showing the negative impacts of excessive smartphone and internet usage on mental health, relationships, and well-being, spending too much time on screens instead of being present with your family may be doing more harm than good.

Being present is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and your child - that's why it's called THE PRESENT...

Being the Role Model Your Child Needs

Children look up to their parents to understand what it means to be an adult. When all attention is spent on devices, parents may miss out on quality time that could be used to learn about their children’s personalities and joys. Taking a step away from these devices may help you take a step forward in your relationships with your children and other loved ones. By using techniques for bonding and reflection, such as those offered in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), families can become more present and work toward a happier home environment.

Why Spending Offline Time with Family Matters

Over five billion people worldwide use social media and even more use the internet. Although the internet and personal devices have brought unique tools, ideas, and forms of connection to the world, they have also made connecting with others offline more challenging, including within families. Internet usage has been associated with mental health challenges like depression, anxiety, poor body image, and compulsive behavior. Frequent usage of devices can lead parents and caregivers to spend less quality time with their children, which may be harmful.

73% of US adults rate spending time with family as the most important to their mental and physical health. Parents of children at any age can benefit from putting down their phones and dedicating time to family. By doing so, they can become positive role models for their children and remind their children of the joys of life offline. Undistracted family quality time has been linked to reduced stress, healthier behaviors, and improved self-esteem.

Techniques for Family Bonding Inspired by Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is often considered the “gold standard” of mental healthcare, providing techniques for millions of people worldwide to improve cognitive, emotional, and behavioral functioning. CBT can provide lessons not only in a therapeutic environment. Below are a few CBT-inspired ways to bond with your children offline.

Set Clear Goals

Set clear goals with your family to reduce your screen time. For example, you might
have designated time for everyone to scroll on their phones at night but also
schedule a few hours into the evening to spend time together as a family playing a
board game, watching a movie, cooking together, or partaking in another offline
activity. Setting clear goals can ensure everyone in the family knows what is
expected of them and follows through. Parents can make an effort to ensure they
don’t go back on these rules to show their children they are also dedicated to
making positive changes.

Practice Cognitive Restructuring

Cognitive restructuring is a technique in CBT that focuses on reframing harmful thoughts and beliefs into more productive ones. Beliefs about oneself, life, or social media can form throughout time that may be harmful and counterproductive to change. For example, a parent might think, “I am too busy. I need my time after work to use social media and wind down.” Restructuring a thought like this could look like asking yourself, “How can I restructure my day so I have time and energy to focus
on my children and my own mental well-being?”

Be an Active Participant

Actively participating in every interaction and activity with your children can be a way to show attention, care, love, and importance. You can actively participate by making each moment unique and putting down your devices during times when you usually distract yourself, such as during dinner or before bed. For example, you might make a tradition to eat dinner at the dinner table with your family. Consider making a “topic jar” where you add conversation topics to small pieces of paper in a jar in the center of the table and have someone from the family pull a topic at every dinner. Then, have a present conversation about the topic and ask each other questions, getting to know each other past daily tasks.

Other Ways to Connect Offline

There are many ways you can connect with your children offline. Consider the following family activities:

● Go on walks or bike rides in the neighborhood
● Work on family projects, like DIY furniture or art projects
● Write short letters back and forth with your kids
● Read to your children before bed
● Go on road trips
● Go to amusement parks or your nearest park
● Get breakfast at a local café on the weekends or make a hotel breakfast at home
● Play pretend with your young children
● Play board games or card games
● Cook together
● Take a class as a family (family yoga or climbing works well for most ages)
● Have open discussions about serious topics
● Have an arts and crafts night
● Play or listen to music together
● Go to the cinema or make a cinema night at home with popcorn
● Bake together
● Set aside a daily screen-free ‘Imagination Hour,’ where everyone focuses on their own activities. Explain it’s a great way to boost creativity and improve focus for the whole family.

Figure out what everyone in your family enjoys doing offline and find ways to incorporate these activities into your schedule, setting specific goals and times of the day to complete them.

Finding Professional Support

Compulsive usage of the internet, social media, or electronic devices can be challenging. If your children have also picked up this habit or you are worried about bonding as a family, you might benefit from talking to a therapist. A therapist can guide you through the CBT-inspired activities above and suggest other ways to receive support, and you do not have to have a mental illness to get started. Those uncomfortable meeting with a therapist in person can also try therapy online through a platform like BetterHelp. Online therapy can be an effective way to learn CBT skills from home and still have time to spend with your family without having to commute to and from appointments. In addition, you can access unique tools like worksheets and support groups.

Studies show that online therapy is especially effective for parents. In a 2021 study, researchers concluded that online internet-based therapy could help parents gain psychological flexibility, emotional regulation, and life satisfaction while reducing stress. These outcomes were beneficial for children within the clients’ families.

Takeaway

Breaking free from smartphone addiction (compulsive smartphone use) can be difficult. CBT offers techniques for parents to work through these challenges and be more present with their children. Be a role model by actively participating in family life, enjoying all moments with your children, and turning even daily events like family dinners into meaningful memories. If you want support in this process, consider seeking guidance from a therapist online or in your area.